Pain

I have been touched by gun violence as well as all the grown people and babies that have been killed in the last few weeks. Those horrid tragedies of the last few weeks are in a depth of their own much worst that I experienced.

I was given a 22 rifle by my uncle Bill for my birthday. one year. I never fired that gun and I did not want to. In fact other than in my time as an American Army PFC. It did not interest me.I broke down the gun and hid the parts in several places around our home. The bullets somewhere in our Car.

My Dad was bi polar, One day in a down phase of his Bi Polar disease he came to me and asked me how I had hidden the pieces of my weapon. I was so proud! I had a little sister Ruth. I thought he was checking to make sure the gun was not a danger to her.

A few days later when I was attending my uncles wedding Daddy assembled the rifle and shot himself in the head. That picture of my fathers bleeding head haunted me for years.

One day years later I went into the room which had been my parents bedroom and wept my and cried my self for a few hours and relived the bullet on its journey through his head. I sobbed and cried my way all the way through. That is how at age 15 I dealt with the suicide that had been haunting me for months.

I think that pain I try to bury buries me. Pain that I process gives powerful gifts that teach me and give me deep satisfaction and in time deepest peace and serenity. I love you each one of you. George.


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