Long Beach, CA. Like so many cities Long Beach has waited long days and night during this Pandemic. The married couples had lots of time on their hands. Predictably, they engaged in marital activities that resulted with very wonderful and beautiful boys and girls.
As I have driven around my city I have been happy to have these children to admire through my windshield at traffic stops. I love children, especially my own daughters and grand daughters. I enjoyed all the little ones I saw. There were plenty of kids for me to enjoy.
I began to wonder why seeing the kids seemed so meaningful to me. I sensed that God wanted to teach me something. At first I thought God was reminding me of how much I enjoyed my own children. Gradually I understood their was a deeper meaning I needed to see. Then I finally realized what God wanted me to see.
I began to understand that I was every bit as wonderful and worthy of love as the kids I saw on the streets of Long Beach when I was the same age. Yet I was treated in a manner that left me wondering what I could do to get my Mom to love me,
I tried desperately to get win her love, One time when door and let it slam and she complained I promised myself I would never let it slam again again. Time after time similar things happened over and over again. I gradually became a perfectionist, The truth is my mom did not want me to become a better and better boy. It was easier to be rage at me if I was bad in her eyes, If I was good she had to find a reason I misbehaved so she had a easier time raging at me.