One of Al-Anon’s daily meditation books is called “The Courage To Change”. One of the ways I need the courage to change is I need is the courage to be myself. Here are some ideas that have helped me to get the courage to be myself.
When I have heard of a death bed scene there is something I have often heard about. People that are dying seldom say “Thanks for all you did for me. They much more often say “You were there for me”. The people that say that do not mean you were in the same room as me. They mean that you brought the real person you are to me at the most critical times in my life.
I had an emotional blow up yesterday. As I know from scripture my wrath does not help anyone least of all me. On the other hand anger but not wrath is a fundamental reality of every person’s nature. There are ways to feel and use anger in a healthy manner. I need to learn to feel my anger and to use it to defend myself. I can then afford to have the courage to bring changes to my personalty in a positive way.
There are a few things I forgot when I exploded yesterday. The first is to not let the sun go down on my wrath. I need an anger in-box and not a filing cabinet. The victim of my anger yesterday felt anger from me from events that have been in my filing cabinet for a week or so.
Another important point is the illusion I have that my wrath has the capacity to fundamentally change the other persons behavior. I made my victim’s anger at me get more subtle. He may well be even more likely to repeat offending me but in a way I will not be able to know I have been at risk.
I am writing about my thinking at this moment. I am not offering advice to you. I am just reporting my thinking at 9:00 AM on 08/19/2020. George.