The perfectionist base of my personality is always there in me. Over the years I have come to understanding that character defect was mine for my whole life. I also learned perfectionism need not dominate my life. Though perfectionism was with me every day I learned that through the Al-Anon tools I could could control the need to be perfect.
The only problem I have had with Al-Anon meetings is that I have heard so many Al-Anon women say “I love alcoholics. They are so much fun.” With never a nod to the Al-anon men’s virtues of reliability, steadiness, serenity and the ability to deeply love.
That really hurt me years ago. I said to myself “What are you saying? Am I just chopped liver? By now I understand that my worth as a person never depends on what you think of me. I of course love it when you approve of me. But if you think I am a stingy stinker it may hurt initially but I don’t go to sleep that night worrying about it.
I use to think I had to make everyone like me. It was preemptive for me. I had to win you over or else I ran the risk forsaken forever .
One time decades ago I was with my wonderful sponsor Elsa. I was irritable. Finally she tolerantly smiled at me and said “George I know what’s wrong with you. You can’t give up your perfectionism perfectly.”
I hated it when she gave me that particular smile. When I saw that smile i knew I was in trouble.