A very dear friend of mine used the term love bomb to describe someone who had surprised her with a perfect gift. I adopted the term to describe the love of God I am experiencing these days. I am 81 years old so I spent most of my life searching for love especially for the love Of God.
I now know that God loves me on my worst day in the same way God loves me on my worst. That Idea can be used to describe my whole life. God loved me in my most fearful, angry and suffering days as She/HE did on this more tranquil day.
I have not earned more love by my work on Los Angeles Union Rescue Mission as Chaplain or later as CEO of the Mission. As I look back at why I wanted to work there it was because I felt that on Skidrow I did not necessarily feel inferior to every one I met.
Of course the other side of that equation was that there were folks on skidrow to whom I felt superior As unhealthy as my thinking was in those days. God loved me as totally then as She/He does now.
However, in the rescue mission days I did not enjoy His/Her love because in the mission days there were things in my heart that blocked the easy flow of God’s love. I built personality Hoover Dams in my heart because I felt so unlovely and unworthy. Now I see that believing that God did not love me was in effect a blasphemy.
I accused God of having terrible lapses in His/ Her love for me. Of course God did not think i was blaspheming Her/Him. God knew every single agonizing minute I had suffered. He knew about my buried pain. God knew that it was that pain out of which my doubt flowed. God forgave me and kept on loving me totally and eternally all and every day.
I have no illusions that I have finished tearing down my love dams. God has lots more love I have not yet experienced. As God enables me I will keep on destroying the dams that inhibit God’s love flowing within my heart.