One thing I like is doing housework especially mopping. So much of my work and personal growth has been long term. That means the task I am doing does not have a clear beginning and ending.
In things like mopping it starts with a specific floor like the bathroom floor, I begin to mop. The floor is mopped and the floor is clean and the task is over. Now the floor is clean and the experience is clean
One thing I truly love is writing on my website called” georgecaywood.com’.A long time ago I wrote and published a book called “Escaping Materialism”. The editing “was unending. I was worried about what other people might think. The book sold well for a Christian book.
When I write on my website it is different. I only write what I want to write and on things that are on my mind at the moment I am writing. If I am writing about personal history it is because I feel like writing i right now. I edit the article as much I feel like editing it. At a moment in the future I may or may not feel like editing. I may I may not edit more.
One thing I like or indeed love is playing with the family dogs. In that role I play the uncle role. I am in the master role but I never have to train or discipline the dog. I get to play at master but never have to discipline the dog.
One thing I like is being with family and friends. By and large the people I hang out with love/like me. Things I have learned in my twenty five years in Al-Anon have made me able to resist being used inappropriately. That self protection makes many people not want to be with me. Therefore, I ordinarily I do not have to pretend unless I want to.
Self care is not bad manners. All the anger, fear,dread, feelings of inferiority are very much in me much real and deep within me. I all to often find myself acting out all those negative feelings.
I definitely do have a crazy room on my house. The difference is not that all that crap is gone. The difference is I know how to get out.
All of this sounds too tidy to be real. It is a real battle at times. I was in the basement digging holes for about for three hours this morning before I came to and realized I needed to deal with how badly I was feeling. In fact I often resist doing things that will deal with my misery. Exercise and writing make me serene. My legs have never said to me when I an nailed to my couch ” I know what we can do lets exercise”.
My legs do get happy when I do go to get exercise however. At a certain point in my lives I have exercised and gained a desire to go exercise. Today is not that day. The reason I am writing at this moment is so I can feel better. The bad thing about being in a funk. Me being in a funk does give me the right to say “Funk You”!
George Caywood 