I have noticed that at times my memory works as well as it ever has. At other times it shows signs of aging as I am 81 years old. When I am relaxed my recall works well. When I tense up my memory shows it’s age.
I go to four or five Al-Anon meetings per week. At the meetings I often share and once in awhile I will lead a meeting. For example, in April of this year I will have a quarter of a century in recovery so I will volunteer to lead lead a couple of meetings to celebrate.
I am very relaxed when I speak. In junior high my teachers began offering to allow oral presentations in stead of turning in a written report. Some people hated to do public speaking. I jumped at the offer to give oral reports instead of written ones.
Due to my career as CEO of Union Rescue Mission in Los Angeles. My mission was one of the largest in the country. That meant I preached in many churches.
Locally the subject of homelessness was just becoming a far more obvious problem I was seen as a good homeless resource for the papers and even for one national magazine. I was sometimes on TV. The mission had a weekly radio broadcast on five days a week which gave me that outlet too.
What that means is when I lead or share at an Al-Anon meeting I am very much at ease. In that situation I am fully relaxed. Speaking at a meeting is a unique experience since everyone listening to you is totally on your side and rooting for you.
On the other hand, I am afraid people will think I am losing my memory because of my age. I love being one on one with my family and friends but for some irrational reason I sometimes get nervous for fear of them thinking I am losing it. This fear is completely unsupported and neurotic.
I remember back in 1996, after a full year in program I said to myself ” If I feel this good after one year how good will I feel after 10 or fifteen years”. I tried to imagine what I would feel after a decade or so in Al-Anon.
There was no way back then I could see what this day, March 2 of the year 2020 the serenity that time in program would give to me. I am just as absent minded as I ever was. A few weeks past I lost my best glasses . I finally got around to catching up on my laundry.
My dad had a favorite saying. It was “It will all come out in the wash”. He was right. As I was loading my laundry into the dryer my glasses appeared among my shirts.