In the years I was working hard to deliver my personality from the ravages of my upbribging I made an important discovery. I learned that it is relatively easy to empty out the pain of a tough memory. I only had to talk about it with good friends or at an Alan-Anon meeting or with a professional counselor until the pain was gone.
Then came the hard part. for decades I had been keeping the pain submerged with unhealthy thought patterns.The defusing of the pain did nothing to break the denial thought patterns I had developed. I needed to learn a way of dealing with my denial.
Here is the method I used to get at the buried habits. For example when I lost my temper I noticed I had responded to a 5 pound provocation with 100 pound temper outburst..
I came to believe my emotions are sensible. That meant that in addition to the 5 pound immediate stimulous back there some where in my deep mind was a 100 pound pain that was was still alive and hurting. The reason I responded so powerfully was there was a 100 pound wound in me that had been buried a long, long time.
Then I could ask the Holy Spirit to help me, over time. to find the pain and deal with it.In other words I used my outburst as a trail head marking the beginning of a trail that could be used by The Holy Spirit and me to work together to find and then comfort my agony. I can’t describe how God and me did it. I only know that at every step of the journey the next step was obvious.