The first few steps of the 12 steps suggest ways for me to get comfortable with God The next few steps help me get comfortable with myself. The next few steps get me comfortable with the people in my world.
In my case, the first 9 steps shut down the screaming for me I had developed denial techniques that put a lid on my internal misery.
One time I was teaching a Bible class that was not familiar with my love of shocking people. I had become in touch with the internal wounding in me from the agonizing way I was raised. I felt the deep pain inside of me but I had not come to a way to actually deal with it . That came when I threw my self into Al-Anon for the long haul.
I was teaching that the kind of Christianity that taught about forgiveness without without giving the help I needed changing and healing the heart. That meant I was not healing the wounds in my heart that were the reason I sinned in first place. Therefore I was forgiven of the sin without dealing with the woundedness and agony which was the cause of the sin and the cause of my internal screaming.
That screaming voice was the little George within me that wanted to let big George or Parent George know that he desperately needed loving, comforting attention and he was loudly demanding that it was time for action in his behalf.
In my Bible class I said ” This is how that voice really sounds’. Then I screamed agony in my loudest voice. I don’t think that honest, open expression of inner pain was welcome in that class but it was healthy for me. I needed to make it safe an comfortable for little George to let his voice be heard even if it was very loud.
I think that is one of the roles of the 12th step is to encourage me to open my personality to steady, consistent inner healing. The Tenth step keeps me working on on deep inner pain. If I am daily looking at my character defects I then I see my daily need for making amends as daily revelations of wounds in my heart that need my program’s comforting , healing ability. and a wonderful chance to hear and love Little George.
George Caywood 