Years ago when I was still having problems accepting that my parents were horribly abusive I had an experience that has always seemed like a miracle to me. At the time I was going to an Episcopal Church that is local here.One of the people attending that church was a woman who by trade was a PHD Grief counselor. The thing that happened involved her and happened at a weekend retreat held by the Church.
At a few times at the retreat the counselor I will call Rita found a few minutes to talk about my struggles.However, there was no way us to get enough privacy for me to unload.. My whole focus was Christian as was Rita’s . She asked me if I would meet her at 3AM in the dining room that evening because then we could have the privacy we needed.
So we met in the dining room the next morning. We prayed for awhile which allowed me to relax. Then she had me stretch out on a one of the tables. We silently worshiped together. After time passed she asked me to imagine a time I had been molested. That is When the beginning of the miracle occured.
As I began to turn my imagination loose it became as if I was actually in my bedroom. All the surroundings of my room came to me vividly. I could see every decoration, smell every smell and hear the traffic noise from the street in front of my home.
If I tried to imagine that bedroom now or at any other time I couldn’t do it. Right now I am trying to imagine that scene. It is impossible. My ability to imagine things in such a detailed manner is undoable.
Remembering things so vividly was a gift from God. In my memory my Mom came into the room. Rita helped me become calm. My Mom approached.. Rita could see me struggling . In afew minutes I relaxed.
Rita asked me to look for Jesus in my bedroom. I could not find Jesus
I went into a silent, bitter rage. I do not think I made a sound. There was no sound I could make that that would do justice to the anger I felt. I told Rita he was not there. Jesus had abandoned me.
Afterwards she told me that that had never happened to her before. She said she wasn’t nervous or upset. She gently and quietly assured he was there and just waited.
Gradually, I began to realize something unexpected. The full realization slowly formed in my heart. It took awhile because it seemed like the idea coming into my thinking was such an unholy idea. Finally I slowly began accepted what was happening.
Jesus had decided that just being in the room with me was not close enough. He placed himself inside of me little finger in little finger. His nose was in with my nose, His right arm in my right arm.
That meant that anything that happened to my body happened to his body too. Everything my body suffered his body suffered. That love was so powerful. It was so healing
“Christ in me, the hope of glory”