Mother’s Day

i am glad Mother’s day is past. It is a day that is to be endured not celebrated. I see moms fussing over their kids and seems foreign to me I can not connect with it.

I could never say my mom abandoned me because that would imply I was connected with her at one time.  I was never connected. I was only used by her to meet one of her many lonely,  empty needs.

I am interested in some of the amazing photos of Mars. I like seeing them I feel glad that I am alive in this age where such pictures are available but I do not emotionally connect with them.

It is different  with pictures of Yosemite. I went there with my buddies in my 20s. I went there with my wife and children there  several times.  I see pictures of Yosemite as reminders of wonderful times in my life. I have connection.

i see mothers with their babies and it seems sort of like pictures of Mars. They interest me  but they are outside of me. I do not see mothers like I remember Yosemite. What I see in mothers is distant and removed.

A few weeks ago I led an Al-Anon meeting nearby. I shared in a very intimate and personal way. Later, as I left the meeting early because my back was hurting. On the way out I stopped to  say goodbye to a woman whom I have known for decades She is a dear friend.

As I leaned over to greet her I looked into her eyes. Obviously she had been touched by my share. Her eyes were full of love and delight. Her eyes had a joy in them that seemed Almost painful to see.Her eyes connected deeply with my eyes.

Later in my  day I was completed occupied by my memory of the look on her face and in her eyes. She was my focus. I hungry for what I saw. There was not a hint  of mothering. Far from it. Still I wondered if what I had seen let me see a little bit of what My mother’s eyes would have held if I had I seen what God wanted to be there’

 


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