In 1986 I had a suicidal depression. It was terrible and agonizing. Today I am discouraged. To describe being depressed I tell this story. As a boy I was riding my bike on a familiar street in Coronado, Ca. All of a sudden a huge dog charged my bike. He bit me on my leg. In my mind he was going to tear a huge piece of my leg flesh off and eat it, I was totally terrified. Being depressed was feeling that way all day every day. Today I am discouraged. I do not want to leave my apartment.
My discouragement does not make me afraid I will slip back into a depression. As I like to say “I believe in prayer and medication”. Back in 1986 there were only a few antidepressants available. One was Prozac and another was a drug that I took that at least let me sleep at night. It was a weird unrestful sleep. I took the pill and I went straight sleep. In the morning I woke up suddenly and instantly. I never felt sleepy and drowsy when I went to sleep or when I woke up.
I started taking medication long after the depression started so it was not dealt with at all until it was fully developed. Finally a good man came into the mission where I worked and met me,. He told that in his job he never helped the poor so he came down to where I worked with the intent to help someone who helped the poor. Because he had been through a depression he saw instantly I was depressed.
The psychologist that had helped him was in Pasadena name Dr Rodiger, She was incredible. If you are in that area and need a psychologist I recommend her if she is still praticing. He made an appointment for me right then. He kept in contact with me for a few days until my appointment to make sure I went.
Eventually I came out of my depression thanks to Rodiger and lots of others like Dr Les Blank at Azusa Pacific University. If you have been suicidally depressed and made it out you have a great gift if you have the courage to talk about it at the opportunities God gives you. You may help someone who is truly desperate.
In time I will finally stop being discouraged and isolating. I know my world is full of loving friends and family. More of my story is available at NPR if you search on my name,
George Caywood 