I look at pictures of myself when I was a teenager and when I was first married and see a slender person. I remember feeling discomfort over how heavy I was. One of my friends licked to tease over my big butt. As it happens I have a no butt physique with a comparative flat rear. My self concept physically seems to be unconnected to my reality.
I have been heavy in my adult years in terms of my actual weight and by my build. When I buy a watch I always have to make sure it will be big enough to fit on my large wrist.
About 10 years ago I realized that diets were never going to work for me. I might lose weight but in time I would react by eating in a fearful way. It happened that way because my self worth depended on how I looked.
Two things happened. My daughter Gina and I began taking about weight. She encouraged me to start a journal called “Healthy Eating Journal”.I did it on my website [George Caywood.com]. I wrote it for a long time.
The second thing I did was to begin to pray that God would teach me his ideas about eating. My eating did not change but a did a lot of work about feeling guilty. In time at began not to gain weight. Then came a time I began to slowly to lose a bit of weight. Since then I have lost about 30 pounds. I still want to lose more more but I have accepted that week to week I and month to month I gain and lose weight but year to year my weight goes down .
I have learned that the love of my family and friends is constant and never varies except to grow.I ma learning that my relationship with women stays strong. I am less afraid to ask a woman out but I still have lots of work to do there. I very seldom weigh myself but I do notice that slowly my clothing size goes down.
Gina has taught me to never be really hungry. When I was a boy I knew how it felt to pass out from hunger. If I get hungry it kicks up my boyhood food fears. and those fears created my lifelong struggles with weight.
George Caywood 