I once complained to my sponsor that I just can not surrender some things. I surrendered one minute and took it the load back the next. My sponsor’s name was Elsa. Let me explain she was a very elderly lady which means that at the time of this conversation she was my age now. if you have worked Al-Anon in Long Beach, CA you might have heard of her. She is a legend here.
She and a bunch of other women got tired of sitting in AA meetings without the right to share so they started one of the first meetings in town and a meeting in Long Beach was the first meeting registering officially with the Al-Anon international was in Long Beach.
As usual, Elsa listened patiently about how sometimes tried to surrender about a problem I was having over and over again and always took it back. When I was done she leaned across the table and patted my hand and said “Honey, you have never prayed the same surrender prayer more than one time”. That was so Elsa the touch and calling me honey.That felt so good.
What she meant was that each time I prayed to surrender my Higher power took the part of my surrender I really meant and sent the rest. That means that the next time I prayed for surrender was a new prayer. It wasn’t the same prayer.
When I did the surrender prayer a hundred times or a thousand times I became more and more surrendered. Praying the so to speak the same prayer did not bore God. She/He did not get impatient with me. Every time She/He just took what I truly wanted Her/Him to take.
I envy people who can quickly come to surrender. For me surrendering many many times is the way the system worked. I imagine that by now I am still praying a surrender every day or more correctly at least once a day.