I am familiar with suffering. I was abused in every way a boy can be abused including sexually.When I was 15 my father killed himself with my gun. To this day no one who was adult at that time has ever asked me how I felt about daddy killing himself with my gun. If they had asked I would have shrugged it off because since infancy my job in my family was to care for the women adults. Also, I know what it is to pass out from lack of food.
I have been in program for over 20 years. From the start I shared in meetings with my sponsor and with other people privately about the abuse. Gradually, all those deep wounds began to heal. Today all those horrible events are history and not current events.
There is another issue. The specific aches that I buried were dealt with comparatively easily and over a relatively short period of time. The sick and crazy making patterns of thinking that I used to Keep my pain buried have lasted until today. I think I will have a crazy room on my house as long as I live. The difference between today and 20 years ago is that now when I find myself in my crazy room I know where the door is so I can just open it and walk out.
Good luck to you. I can relate to some of that but you have def had a hard road.
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