There is a saying in Al-Anon that tells part of my story. It is “No one ever comes to Al-Anon because they are feeling so good”.
In one of my first meetings with my sponsor she said “You are going to have to do something about your anger”. I said “Me angry?, She said ” Yes! you are full of rage.,Murderess rage”,
I was so used to people saying what a nice man I was. Community people helping us raise money Said “George is LA’s version of Mother Theresa”. When they said that I responded with a false humility that was intended to get them to say it again some time in the future.
When she said “Yes murderess rage” a miracle happened. It was one of those magical moments in which my Higher Power shines her/his light in my soul. In an instant I knew I had a major problem. The real miracle was that I knew I was really angry but I felt no remorse, fear or sense of condemnation. Instead I felt hopeful, at peace, and fullof determination. So began my anger healing journey.
When my sponsor knew I was going to have to work on something she liked to say “Now be sure to remember to mind your own business. Changing you is God’s business. All you have to do is work your program. Go back through the 12 Steps again concentrating on applying them to your anger. It’s important that you keep in close touch with me so you don’t slip into self condemnation”,
Predictably I have spent well more than a decade gradually working on that problem, I have made my fair share of amends, one of which became necessary last Monday. I love the feeling of progress I feel when I am doing the footwork and my Higher is doing the deep healing that only God can do.